To Boldly Go

Thought I'd try something different this time. I just recently read an article about astronomers finding a new planet outside our solar system that may be in the goldilocks zone and be able to support life. Here are my thoughts on the article in italics:

Astronomers say they have found a second planet outside our solar system that is the right distance from its star to potentially support life. But any possible inhabitants would need to have a taste for an environment that felt like a hot steam bath.

Okay so immediately this is stupid, it may support life but the inhabitants would need to "have a taste" for an environment that felt like a hot steam bath? Who the fuck has a taste for that?

European astronomers announced the discovery of a total of 50 planets outside our solar system. Among these was one which lies in the "Goldilocks zone" – an area which is neither too hot nor too cold for liquid water, an essential for Earth-like life, to be present.

Sounded pretty hot to me.

The only past discovery of a Goldilocks planet that still stands up today is one that was found in 2007. To be able to support life the new planet would need not only to have water, it would also need to be solid, like earth and not made up primarily of gas, like Jupiter.

Well you'd think that goes without saying. Unless there's little creatures living in hot air balloons on Jupiter. They'd have to be pretty fucking strong balloons. Then again, I suppose I can't rule this out, I have a friend called Reece Hampson (119 Crompton Street, St. Mary's) and if he jumps at just the right time when it's windy, he can pretty much make a life for himself in the sky; he weighs that little. 

The newly discovered planet, which is called HD85512b, is about 3.6 times the mass of Earth, it is estimated that temperatures there range from 30C to 50C, and it is thought that the atmosphere is very humid.

Sounds like AIDS to me, I couldn't be arsed living in that heat. Even if I was a bug. I doubt the life there will be very intelligent, not enough oxygen and too much sweating your bollocks off to evolve. There's probably little snails with fans on their shells to keep 'em cool, though. Also,  great job with the naming of that planet there, guys. It could very well be the greatest discovery of all time if it's proven that there is life out there other than on Earth and you Magic the Gathering cunts have named it HD85512b. What's that? A sneaky advert from Samsung? 

"It's going to be really muggy, just think about the muggiest (Washington) day you can think of," said Lisa Kaltenegger, an astronomer with the Max Planck Institute in Germany, and author of the new study. "We're not saying it's habitable for you and me."

Muggy? What the fuck does that mean? The "muggiest (Washington)" day I can think of is probably 9/11. So I think you're right, it's not habitable for you and me, so who the fuck is it habitable for? Osama and his chums? Terrorist.

But other types of life – probably shorter and squatter – could conceivably take root there, she said. They would probably be closer to the ground than humans because gravity on the planet is about 1.4 times what we experience.

Closer to the ground because they want to be as far away from the sun as possible, more like. Except that snail, he's awwright.

According to Kaltenegger, at least 60% of the planet would need to be covered in cloud for it to be potentially habitable. Earth has about 50% cloud cover.

Does it?

HD85512b closely circles a star about 35 light years from Earth in the constellation Vela. Each light year is 5.8 trillion miles. A year on the planet is only 60 days. Its sun is about 1,000C cooler than our sun.

So why does this "Vela" get it's own name? Poor HD85512b. I'm going to call you Sam. Like from Lord of the Rings.

- "Sam" *smiles homosexually* - Mr. Frodo, Lord of the Rings.

The new "exoplanets" were found by the European Southern Observatory's special planet-hunting instrument called Harps, which is based in Chile. The finding doubles the number of planets that are closer to Earth in mass than those closer to Jupiter's size.

Doubles? They found one. So they mean they've found two? Or what?

This new Goldilocks planet was observed more than a thousand times over 200 nights of tracking from Chile so astronomers are confident of their findings, said study author Francesco Pepe of the Geneva Observatory in Switzerland.

Nice one Francesco Pepe. Top bloke.

In addition to the two European discoveries of potentially habitable planets, a Nasa telescope has identified more than 50 other candidates, but those still need further investigation.

Haha... Space.

BM J.R.

Fuck the radio. I don't understand what function it serves in modern society. You can carry as much music with you at all times as you want, and it can be all the music you want to listen to. Why play the garbage on the radio and then have to put up with adverts and annoying DJs that aren't funny? Unless you're one dimensional and need the radio to tell you what music is good because you're too stupid to have your own opinion. I also have this blatant fallacy of a theory that all music on the radio contains subliminal messages. No matter how many songs on the radio make my ears bleed, after they've been played over and over all day I can't get them out of my head. It feels like you want to hear it even though it disgusts you to your very core.

Speaking of music, the only reason I didn't de-materialize from boredom at work was thanks to the best rapper alive. and the ability to watch this. Managed to make it this far and it's my last day tomorrow before I move back to Leeds and the German invasion begins.

Had a lot of good ideas and laughs the past two days. One of my less physically blessed friends, Reece, came around we ate this sweet:

Tasted good man

He told me a pretty funny story about one of his experiences at a bar in Amsterdam and I pissed a hole in my pants from laughter. He described being so high that he had two personalities inside his head battling for the livelihood of his social skills. One demon was telling him he was going to fail and the other that everything would be all right. He was only ordering a coke. I was there at the time and I couldn't have done what he did, so it was pretty impressive that he managed to get a coke whilst dealing with angels and demons. 

Day damn one

Alright here goes, never wrote a blog before so I'm not sure how it's going to pan out. I imagine I'll just end up writing it under the assumption that only my friends will read it so I apologise if you don't get some of it. Not really, suck a fuck, faggot.

Sleep is awesome, I like sleeping. I was sleeping this morning, and it was nice. When I ceased to sleep I was immediately angered. Knowing the excruciating boredom awaiting me at my soon to be over job, I slowly got dressed (as a side note, an old lady once approached me and my friends at random and asked us "What do you do when you're bored to tears?", this was a diamond opportunity for me to insult/offend/amuse and so I blurted out "I CUM!" right in her old, shocked face. This was swiftly followed by, in a fake, crisp British accent "Well I like to watch pornography" from one of my cerebrally compromised friends). Yes Reece, YOU.

Anyway, I get a lift to work from a guy with social issues so it's always nice and quiet in the car if I want it to be. All I have to do to make sure he doesn't say anything is to not say anything myself and hope he doesn't get brave and try to start a conversation. So at least that was relaxing. His name is Paul by the way, that will make it easier to mention him in future so I don't have to call him the "guy with social issues". He plays ping pong also, so that's funny. He insists it's called table tennis so I make sure to always refer to it as ping pong in his presence.

Work did bore me to tears and I wish I could have came but I could not. Well I could have whacked one out in the toilets I guess but that's pretty far out even for me. However, I did consider it at least three times. So there's not much to write about that because it was fucking lame, but I did happen to insult my boss out of boredom induced rage and I think he genuinely thought I was being serious despite the fact that it was a retort. Not to mention I've let a lot of his yawn-tastic jokes slide anyway. Haha, and he plays ping pong, the cunt.

So now I'm back at home writing this (with great difficulty because someone keeps asking me fisher price questions) and trying to think how I'm going to maintain my vow to keep this interesting. I do have a very enthusiastic German friend coming to stay with me and my friend starting the 18th (this weekend) however, so once I move into my new place I'm sure this blog will pick up.

That's how bored I was, I drew that and sent it to my ex-girlfriend out of SPITE.

More soon.